Holidays

Boy and I starting to miss my family more and more each passing day that is getting closer to the holidays. Halloween is today and already I feel so out of place. I didn't get a costume because they don't sell adult or teenager ones here in France... actually they do but only in certain stores and they don't wear them on Halloween day. Anyways, I miss everything I love I know about Halloween. The trick-or-treaters, the candy, the decorations, the atmosphere, the scariness, the friends, the laughs, and so on and so forth. I don't know how to explain the feeling of excitement of seeing what they DO here, but the depression of what they don't.

Another holiday that they don't celebrate here is Thanksgiving. The time when family sits around a big table of food and eat until they are about to explode even when there is more food to eat. I'm going to miss waking up way to early to cook for way to long only to eat for a short period of time. I'm going to miss all the family laughs and jokes, not to mention my dogs trying to get food and being under the table as we eat.

Christmas is also another one I will miss. Although they celebrate it here, I'm not with family. My new family here is absolutely amazing and I love them just like I do with my family back home, but it's still not the same. I'll miss my family decorating the Christmas tree and all the lights that are lit at Little America.  Missing all the presents that are given to everyone, all the smiles. My heart hurts so much with all that I will be missing.

I know I wanted to come here and I thought I was emotionally ready to be here. But I can't help but feel so depressed these next coming months. Not to mention the New Year too and my 17th birthday. I am going to miss everything back home and make so many memories. Is it weird I seem like I am contradicting myself?? Excited to see new things, but scared and depressed that I missing so much with my family and friends back home.....

Things Happen

Life doesn't stop being unexpected when you travel. I found that out today when I was at school and heard a teacher had attempted suicide. I am and was so scared and confused. It didn't help either that I didn't know what was going on. We entered the hallways and waited in front of our classroom. Minutes later we all got texts saying a teacher had gone crazy and lit herself on fire. We all rushed out of the building and saw smoke and an ambulance. I thought it was just a joke gone wrong. Never in my life did I really think a teacher would attempt suicide. Everyone was confused and in shock. It didn't help either that I couldn't completely understand the situation. Some people were in tears. I never imagined that in my time here in France something like this would happen. To anyone. Over 100 students saw what happened and a few try to put out the fire. I have heard that the teacher was having a hard time and just snapped. She poured gas on herself in the middle of class and lit herself on fire. She screamed and started to run. Then she fell to the ground. I don't know her current condition. What makes me really think is the fact that I could have walked right passed that very moment and seen the whole thing or that I could have seen this teacher in the hallways or school area during the day and said hi, and never would have guessed that something like this would have happened.  It only goes to show you that you never know what will happen. You always have to just live life to the fullest. Every moment you get.

Starting to Speak

So I have been here for a month a 2 weeks or so. And yet I am still scared to speak in French. I know the whole point of coming here was to improve my french and to use it, but it seems like whenever I go to talk I lose all the words I have learned and everything goes blank. I don't know how I am going to get better though if I don't practice. I took 2 years of French in school before jumping in this. Yet I feel as though I have only taken 1. I feel so lost all the time. Although I am starting to understand more and more each day, I still can't tell people how I feel. It's so hard because I feel like I have been studying the wrong language this whole time. From the accents, to writing, to reading, to talking, and even observation. Everyone is different from what I learned in school. All the stereotypes are completely off base too. I am determined to disprove as many as I can. But that is  a different story. Anyway starting of the beginning of November my family is going to try to only speak french with me and I have to respond in french. I hope this ends well. Oh at least I can text in french though with my friends and they text me in english. This way we are helping each other out. =) Well I better get to bed. GOOD NIGHT!