The New Year

I'm not going to lie; my holidays, however fun it was, seemed empty without my family. I don't know how to explain it though the feeling of isolation you feel because your family isn't there, but everyone else's is.... While I am here I definitely learned how important family really is. Christmas Eve was hard thinking of my family and how we would be together the night before Santa came. I had a party that night here instead with my host family. Not going to lie though I cried before going to join everyone at the party. I missed our Christmas tree, decorations, traditions, holiday spirit, and holiday songs. Everything you would think of Christmas, I didn't have. Instead I was in amazing country with people that were so kind to invite me into their home for the year. It may sound like I am ungreatful everything I have here, but I am just tell you what I felt. New Year's Eve was a little easier though, went to a party and passed the night with my boyfriend and friends. It got a little crazy, but it was fun all the same.

Through this holiday season I've learned how much I took my family for granted when I was home. The saying of you never know what you have until you've lost is true.. but the thing is I've also found that I truely have a family away from here. Everyone understood how hard it was for me, but didn't pity me. Instead they included me in the activities they did and helped make the passing holidays fun and somewhat joyful. I am truely greatful for the opportunity I have here.. =)

Here is my New Year's Resolutions:

1) Begin relying on only my french skills, speaking as little english while with people as I can

2) Make every moment I have here count

3) Win my bet with my mother

4) Don't be so hard on myself when things don't turn out the way I expected/ planned.

Holidays

Boy and I starting to miss my family more and more each passing day that is getting closer to the holidays. Halloween is today and already I feel so out of place. I didn't get a costume because they don't sell adult or teenager ones here in France... actually they do but only in certain stores and they don't wear them on Halloween day. Anyways, I miss everything I love I know about Halloween. The trick-or-treaters, the candy, the decorations, the atmosphere, the scariness, the friends, the laughs, and so on and so forth. I don't know how to explain the feeling of excitement of seeing what they DO here, but the depression of what they don't.

Another holiday that they don't celebrate here is Thanksgiving. The time when family sits around a big table of food and eat until they are about to explode even when there is more food to eat. I'm going to miss waking up way to early to cook for way to long only to eat for a short period of time. I'm going to miss all the family laughs and jokes, not to mention my dogs trying to get food and being under the table as we eat.

Christmas is also another one I will miss. Although they celebrate it here, I'm not with family. My new family here is absolutely amazing and I love them just like I do with my family back home, but it's still not the same. I'll miss my family decorating the Christmas tree and all the lights that are lit at Little America.  Missing all the presents that are given to everyone, all the smiles. My heart hurts so much with all that I will be missing.

I know I wanted to come here and I thought I was emotionally ready to be here. But I can't help but feel so depressed these next coming months. Not to mention the New Year too and my 17th birthday. I am going to miss everything back home and make so many memories. Is it weird I seem like I am contradicting myself?? Excited to see new things, but scared and depressed that I missing so much with my family and friends back home.....

Things Happen

Life doesn't stop being unexpected when you travel. I found that out today when I was at school and heard a teacher had attempted suicide. I am and was so scared and confused. It didn't help either that I didn't know what was going on. We entered the hallways and waited in front of our classroom. Minutes later we all got texts saying a teacher had gone crazy and lit herself on fire. We all rushed out of the building and saw smoke and an ambulance. I thought it was just a joke gone wrong. Never in my life did I really think a teacher would attempt suicide. Everyone was confused and in shock. It didn't help either that I couldn't completely understand the situation. Some people were in tears. I never imagined that in my time here in France something like this would happen. To anyone. Over 100 students saw what happened and a few try to put out the fire. I have heard that the teacher was having a hard time and just snapped. She poured gas on herself in the middle of class and lit herself on fire. She screamed and started to run. Then she fell to the ground. I don't know her current condition. What makes me really think is the fact that I could have walked right passed that very moment and seen the whole thing or that I could have seen this teacher in the hallways or school area during the day and said hi, and never would have guessed that something like this would have happened.  It only goes to show you that you never know what will happen. You always have to just live life to the fullest. Every moment you get.

Starting to Speak

So I have been here for a month a 2 weeks or so. And yet I am still scared to speak in French. I know the whole point of coming here was to improve my french and to use it, but it seems like whenever I go to talk I lose all the words I have learned and everything goes blank. I don't know how I am going to get better though if I don't practice. I took 2 years of French in school before jumping in this. Yet I feel as though I have only taken 1. I feel so lost all the time. Although I am starting to understand more and more each day, I still can't tell people how I feel. It's so hard because I feel like I have been studying the wrong language this whole time. From the accents, to writing, to reading, to talking, and even observation. Everyone is different from what I learned in school. All the stereotypes are completely off base too. I am determined to disprove as many as I can. But that is  a different story. Anyway starting of the beginning of November my family is going to try to only speak french with me and I have to respond in french. I hope this ends well. Oh at least I can text in french though with my friends and they text me in english. This way we are helping each other out. =) Well I better get to bed. GOOD NIGHT!

Getting Used To Things

It's been over three weeks now and finally things are becoming normal. The daily routine is setting in and I don't feel so lost anymore. =) Although there is one thing I have yet to get used to, that is the time change. It's nine hours, but boy do you feel it! It's really hard in school during the afternoon because not only are the school days longer here but I can't seem to keep myself awake. I always feel so tired around 3 in the afternoon. And struggle to stay awake. Sometimes I feel myself snoozing in the middle of class. OOPS! But other than that small fact everything seems to be falling into place. 

I have also been getting help from my other teachers here too. Number 1 tip: Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it! The people that are around you are happy to help and will help, but you need to ask them for it because they can't read your mind! I have asked for help and now I am feeling like I am making more of my trip here. 

It's hard not to miss home every now and then, but I still have e-mail and a phone to keep in contact with people. And it's getting easier everyday to go about my day.

*** Feel free to ask me any questions or ask me to post about certain topics! Sometimes I run out of ideas too!***

Missing Home

It seems like a dream fulfilled to be here right now! It's been two weeks and everything seems to be going smoothly. Everything except feeling homesickness. I miss understanding everything, my friends, family, and being my hyper-self. Everything is so new and I don't know how much change I can take. Even though everyone is so nice here I still miss home. Everyone will eventually feel it, and it's different for everyone. I have called home a few times just to hear my mother's voice. The first time I called her I cried afterwards finally realizing how much I actually missed her. Making friends seemed to be the easiest thing in the world, but conversating with them is a whole another thing. They want to talk to you, but are afraid you won't understand. I know that I should be using my french, but I am scared and willing to admit that! I will hopefully get the courage to do so soon! Everything seems so different from home.

I miss everything I used to know and love. But I must make the most of the opportunity I have been given because it is more likely than not to NOT happen again.

Why I bothered to learn French.

It's said that the more languages you know the better off you are in the future. That is part of the reason I wanted to learn french. But in fact I took french partly because I didn't want to take spanish at my school and also because I had always in interested in the french culture. My goal was to be able to learn three-four languages, that way I would be prepared for my future. As it turns out though I would rather expand my language vocabulary even further than that because our world is constiently changing and I want to be prepared for it. I am beginning to understand more about the french language, but I know I still have a long long way to go. That is why I am looking forward in studying abroad and cleaning up my french.